IT IS OFTEN ASSUMED that when clubs attempt to sign a certain player, their interest is as a result of months of rigorous analysis and scouting of the player in question. This could not be further from the truth.
Instead, managers bored with their exorbitant time off during the summer, see a player performing reasonably at the World Cup or European Championships, or in this case the Under-21 equivalent, and decide to sign him on a whim. Hence, United’s interest in Spain’s Thiago ‘flavour of the month’ Alcantara.
There has also been recent speculation that Alcantara will be offered to Arsenal as a makeweight in a certain protracted transfer saga involving a certain Spanish international that I no longer have the willpower to mention.
Strangely, given that the Premier League and tournament football are entirely similar, another player who once enjoyed a spectacular World Cup, Giovani Dos Santos, is being offloaded by Tottenham. Seville are the interested party.
Speaking of Spurs, Chelsea will attempt to sign their two best players, Gareth Bale and Luka Modric, for a combined fee of around £60m. Normally, I’d describe the fee as ‘excessive’, but given that Jordan Henderson is apparently worth £20m, everything else seems relatively good value by comparison nowadays.
Man United will bid £20m for Samir Nasri, leaving Arsenal without any good players bar Wilshere and the injury-prone Van Persie (assuming Cesc Fabregas is as good as gone).
Arsenal will try to recuperate from this mini player exodus by signing token tricky winger Juan ‘I swear I’m at least better than Theo Walcott’ Mata.
In other United-related news, Neil Lennon believes Emilio Izaguirre will reject their advances and stay at Celtic. He also reportedly believes pigs will fly. He also thinks Beram Kayal will be at the club next season despite interest from Liverpool – arguably the most ludicrous of the three theories.
Finally, QPR will remind everyone that Fabio Cannavaro is still alive and well by signing the veteran defender.