17.01 – A speech about match fixing, following Fenerbahce’s exclusion from the competition on Wednesday.

17.04 – We have followed absolutely none of the rules and regulations – pretty much the equivalent of keeping our heads stuck in a magazine while the in-flight safety routine is going on…

17.07 – Chelsea are out and they’re going into Group E.

17.11 – Bobby Charlton has taken a time out from the Glee auditions to grace us with his presence…

17.18 – And Chelsea will face Valencia. Topical, given the Juan Mata deal.

17.20 – Right, another full update…

Group A: Bayern Munich, Villareal,

Group B: Inter Milan, CSKA Moscow,

Group C: Manchester United, Benfica,

Group D: Real Madrid, Lyon,

Group E: Chelsea, Valencia,

Group F: Arsenal, Marseille,

Group G: Porto, Shakhtar Donetsk,

Group H: Barcelona, AC Milan,

17.22 – Ruuuuud! No, not that Ruud. It’s Ruud Gullit.

17.28 – Olympiakos go into Arsenal’s group and Manchester City are the next team out…. City will face Bayern Munich and Villareal!

17.32 – That looks like a handy enough draw for United. Benfica and Basel won’t hold any great fear for them. Chelsea will have a tougher time against Valencia and Bayer Leverkusen. Anyway, more to come, the next former player on stage is Lothar Matthaus.

17.40 – Tricky for the Gunners: Group F: Arsenal, Marseille, Olympiakos, Borussia Dortmund.

17.42 – The texts are coming in – ‘United get an easy ride again – no wonder Giggs has been around so long.” The words of Liverpool fan Fran Burke. He’s not bitter.

17.46 – That’s your lot. Tribal allegiances aside, it is a rather safe passage through for Manchester United. The Toughest Group Award goes to Manchester City, playing their first Champions League campaign against Bayern Munich, Villareal and Napoli. For the rest of the draw, simply scroll down… Thanks for logging in…