SO THERE’S A big weekend of sport in store and, let’s be honest, we’ve been known to find ourselves in pubs the odd time.
But the trade off for the bid screen, warm fire and delicious alcohol — other drinks are also available — is often the idiocy of the general public. Here’s some of the characters you’re likely to meet down the local during the rugby, GAA or football on this weekend.
Let’s be careful out there.
1. The Statto
You might as well have gone for a pint with Carol Vorderman.
2. The Commentator
Not for this lad is the quiet joy of watching a match in silence, leaving the flow of the game wash over you as you nurse a well-earned drink. This guy goes play-by-play for the benefit of the entire bar.
3. The lad who has a tenner on Alex Song first scorer at 33/1
This guy has a bet on… and he doesn’t care who knows about it!
4. The full-kit guy
You’re a grown man.
5. The excitable fan who shrieks whenever the ball goes near the goalmouth, tryline etc
It’s like the bleeping homing device Javier Bardem has to track his bag of money in No Country For Old Men. Pretty annoying.
6. The fan who think it’s clever/funny to shout ‘get in the hole’ when a golf shot is taken
There’s a special place in hell for you, my friend.
7. Lad who thinks everyone is shite
The hipster of sports fans. Ireland could just have won the World Cup with a last-minute screamer from Paul McShane against Brazil in the Maracana and this unimpressed chap will sigh, tut or check his work emails. Messi is over-rated, hurling is gone to shite, rugby is played by only a half dozen countries in the world, and we should make school kids do UFC.
8. The bluffer who has picked up some tid-bits on the bus there
9. The aul lad talking about how (insert sport here) was better in his day
‘Eddie Keher would have BATTERED Shefflin!’
Who have we forgotten?